Soulgemmed Application
Player name: McGwiggles
Contact info:![[plurk.com profile]](https://plurk.com/favicon.ico)
McGwiggles
Other characters currently played: Sieglinde of Catarina
Character name: Rin Tezuka
Age: 18
Canon: Katawa Shoujo
Canonpoint: Her own route, post-neutral ending.
Background:
Rin is a girl born with two seriously malformed arms as the result of genetic phocomelia, which required both of her arms to be amputated just below the shoulder in infancy. (The game's concept art described her as a 'thalidomide baby' but because the game doesn't take place in a time period where thalidomide could have/would have been prescribed to a pregnant woman, it seems much more plausible that she had a genetic version of phocomelia, which was the condition that thalidomide was known to cause).
Rin was something of an odd child growing up, but fortunately her parents seem to have been supportive of her and her endeavors. As soon as she was able to pick up a pen (with her feet, obviously), she started drawing and never really stopped. She took to art like a fish to water, and although she often had difficulties translating her thoughts into words, art made it easier to communicate how she felt into a medium that other people could easily experience.
As she grew older, she had a fairly average school life, with her interests leaning heavily toward the arts. While one might thinkthat her lack of arms would be a debilitating disability, it was the only way that Rin had ever known how to live. And while there were certain things that she struggled with (buttoning up shirts, and peeling oranges, for example), it was something she was used to and there wasn't a lot she really struggledwith.
When it came time for her to go to high school, Rin was offered the chance to go to a public high school, or to stay in a school for students with disabilities. Rin was confident enough in her ability to function (both as a student and as an artist) that she had little doubts that she could do well in a public high school. Still, she opted to stay in a school for students with disabilities instead. One of her many eccentricities was “collecting people,” it seems, and Rin was interested in meeting the unique sorts of students that went to Yamaku High.
When she joined, she was placed in a room with one Emi Ibarazaki – an extroverted girl whose lower legs had been amputated in a car accident, and an aspiring track star. The two of them, although very different in personality, became fast friends. Their passions took them in different directions, but they both shared the same deep, inspired passion within themselves. For Rin, it was to express herself in better ways, and to become a better artist. For Emi, it was to run, as fast as her body could take her.
Their drive for personal improvement in their chosen mediums is something that kept them close together throughout high school. And while they weren't the type of friends that could be described as inseparable, there was little doubt that they were close.
By their senior year, Emi had become one of the stars of the school's track team, and Rin was known as an artistic prodigy by the school's art teachers. It was the second half of that year that the two of them met Hisao Nakai – a boy with a serious heart condition that had lost his direction in life. He took to the two of them fairly well (particularly taking an interest in Rin), and the three high-school students became friends relatively easily.
At the same time, though, Rin's artistic career began to take off in a way that she wasn't strictly comfortable with. It started with a mural she had been asked to paint, which she struggled to complete on time (both physically and in her time management skills). This mural was used as an example of her artwork, by her teacher, in order to entice art critics and gallery owners to take a closer look at her and her artwork. One gallery owner, a woman by the name of Sae Saionji, expressed interest and her art teacher passed the offer onto Rin herself.
This wasn't exactly the sort of thing that Rin was particularly interested in. For her, art had always been about expressing her thoughts and feelings in a way that people could understand. And while she almost certainly didn't have a solid plan for her future, the idea of having to put a gallery together to impress strangers – that she would have to sell her art in order to make a living, and how much of her future would be riding on the success of this gallery – absolutely terrifies her, and Rin expresses disinterest – despite the potential benefits of such a gallery. Nomiya thinks this is the wrong call, though, and continues to pressure her towards setting up an exhibition.
At the same time, Hisao Nakai continues spending time with Rin – watching her work on her mural project apparently sparked an interest in art in the boy, and he ends up joining the art club alongside her. The two get along well, and work on several art projects together – until one day Nomiya once again attempts to pressure Rin into changing her mind about the gallery; this time in front of Hisao. Hisao agrees with their teacher, that it's an opportunity she shouldn't pass up. Rin isn't able to articulate why she doesn't want to do this, and the two wear her down into conceding
That's about when the downward spiral starts.
When the three of them approach the gallery owner about the exhibit, Sae (being an art critic, in addition to running a gallery) is very critical of Rin's art – admitting that Rin has quite a bit of talent, but saying that her technique needs refinement and that her paintings seem to be missing something (suggesting that a common theme between them, or some sense of identity would help). Rin is hesitant (not entirely sure how to give her paintings these things) but agrees to work on them in exchange for the exhibition.
And working is exactly what she does from then onward, throwing herself into her painting body and soul. Nomiya arranges with the school to have Rin be exempt from most of her classes and finals for the rest of the school year – and she begins to spend nights in a small loft in the floor above the gallery, where she can work without interruption. And so, Rin becomes something of a recluse – even going so far as to ask her best friend Emi to stay away, so as not to distract her.
Hisao doesn't get asked to stay away, however, because Rin sees him as something of a more artistic soul, and more conductive to her work. Additionally, she's begun to feel romantic feelings toward the moody boy, and doesn't want to push him away. The feelings are mutual for him (although he's also very confused by Rin's mannerism), and Hisao continues visiting her.
Before long, Hisao confesses his feelings for Rin – which makes her feel very conflicted. It isn't that she doesn't also like him, but she's also very confused about her own feelings and overwhelmed by the responsibility that her gallery has put upon her (as part of her agreement with Sae was to create a ton of new works specifically for the gallery's opening). She tells him that she really can't afford to focus on these sorts of things right now, and Hisao is heartbroken (not understanding the stress she was under, or how large a role he had in putting her in this position). He leaves her in her loft – but she asks him to come back again the next day.
He does, and the two of them enter a cycle. Hisao visits almost every day – often with very few words spoken between them. As the weeks continue, Rin's downward spiral becomes more obvious, to the point that Hisao (oblivious as he can be) takes notice of how she hasn't been eating well and begins bringing her fresh oranges.
Fruit isn't enough to break her out of this cycle though. As time goes on and Rin begins to struggle more and more with her artwork and inspiration (all the while the deadline for the gallery looms closer and the weight of her entire future bears down on her back), Rin comes to the conclusion that she needs to change in order to survive. More than that, she feels that who she is isn't enough to do what needs to be done, and she needs to rebuild herself from the ground up.
Basically what that amounts to is more self-destructive behavior. She takes up smoking (with cigarettes bought for her by Sae) and generally becomes more depressed and introverted. Hisao sees that smoking (and whatever else she might be doing to herself) aren't helping her art - and tries to snap her out of this depression by taking her out on a walk around the city for hours, exploring twists and turns that they'd never been before until the sun came up.
This does get Rin's spirits up a bit, but it also it helps her come to another conclusion: Hisao's presence isn't helping with her art. And so she apologizes and asks him to leave her alone, without explaining why.
She bids the boy goodbye and goes back to her artwork – and for the next several days she makes good progress – to the point that Nomiya claims that she's been doing “exceptionally well.”
In truth, though, her self-destructive behavior has only gotten worse. When Hisao goes to check up on her again after almost a week, she's a mess – both physically and mentally. She's frustrated, ashamed and afraid of how much difficulty she's been having in this pursuit – and without going into too many details, the two of them end up having sex.
The morning doesn't go over well. Hisao isn't sure what Rin wants – and Rin isn't sure either. He feels as though they've put a strain on their friendship, especially because he knows that Rin knows how he feels about her. Rin doesn't want a relationship or labels or any of the things that Hisao wants – at least not yet, not while she's got so many other things to worry about. The two of them argue over this, and about art. Hisao is frustrated and upset, thinking that she cares more about her art than she does about him, and he isn't necessarily wrong (although he is ignoring that he's the one who pressured her into this situation to begin with) – it's enormous part of how she defines herself and how she interacts with the world. In her eyes, art is something vital and she can't give it up. In the end he leaves again, frustrated with Rin and his apparent inability to understand her.
Rin continues on her artwork, upset by this. In a lot of ways he's become her strongest human connection, and she's upset that she's hurt him.
The next time the two of them see each other is on the day before the start of the exhibit, she bumps into him on her way back to her old dorm room. The conversation they have... tries to start civilly, but quickly devolves into an argument where Hisao claims she hasn't been treating him fairly, or his feelings as valid. He demands to know how she feels about him, and Rin isn't able to put it into words, which only serves to frustrate him further.
He yells at her about how unhealthy she's being, and that she's too willing to continue down this path even if it kills her (and he isn't wrong). He tells her that she's been treating him like a muse, a source of inspiration to her, instead of an actual human being with feelings that matter (misunderstanding why she wanted him around – not because he was helping her art, but because she needed someone to be her lifeline in a tough time in her life. Which is still extremely unhealthy and selfish, of course, but not in the way that he interpreted it). This time she's the one who leaves, upset.
The next night, the gallery opens and... by Rin's standard it goes nightmarishly bad.
It starts off as more of a social event than anything else. Not terribly – no one seems to outright hate Rin's works, as many young artists might fear, but no one seems overly interested either. Most seem more interested in the complementary wine and in talking with other members of the local art community than they are Rin's artwork.
Emi is there to congratulate Rin, and Hisao makes an appearance as well (apparently feeling badly enough about their argument to show up and apologize). Rin greets Emi, glad to see her best friend after such a long time apart, but makes an effort not to speak to Hisao at all.
Basically, the event wasn't perfect, but it was excellent exposure for a young woman hoping to make a name for herself in the art community. Until Sae, the gallery owner, introduced Rin to the crowd as the artist who made all of these works.
Suddenly everyone was fascinated by the artwork and have an unending number of questions to ask about where her inspiration comes from and what techniques she used, and the most common of all: How her disability effects her work. It couldn't be more clear to Rin that these people didn't necessarily care about the thoughts and feelings she had poured onto the canvases until they realized that the girl with no arms was the one who put them there (a fact which Nomiya and Sae are more than happy to play up for attention).
It makes her feel like an spectacle. It makes her feel worthless, like all of the things she had been through to put this exhibit together were for nothing. Because her disability is apparently more of an attraction than the works of art that she had put her entire identity into.
And even if that all wasn't the case... she isn't ready for this. The gallery, the attention, the questions and the self-doubt. Rin drops to her knees as she starts to have (what seems to be) a panic attack, before Hisao helps her up and escorts her outside (meanwhile Sae makes excuses for the crowd and Nomiya shrugs it off as a bit of dizziness).
Once outside, Hisao tells Rin that she should feel happy about how things have gone. That people are interested in her and her artwork, and that that's what this gallery was all about. After giving her some time to breath, the two of them head back inside, where Rin is taken to meet more of the gallery's guests, and she quickly loses track of Hisao.
The next (and final) time she meets Hisao is a few days later, shortly after the school's final exams are over. Hisao comes by the gallery to talk to Rin one more time, and she tries (and fails) to avoid him.
When he asks why, she explains that “it hurts” to talk to him. He doesn't really know how to respond to that, and the two of them walk around the city in silence for a while, until Hisao eventually tries to break it by asking her how she felt the exhibition went. Rin explains that, more than anything, she had hoped someone would see her artwork and be able to say “I understand how you feel.”
Hisao tries to brush that off by explaining that the human experience is completely unique, and that one interprets art with their own experiences as well as with the artist's intent. In that way, no one will ever be able to understand her entirely, because in the end that's what makes everyone alone.
Which (in addition to being melodramatic and unhelpful) was the most hurtful thing Rin could imagine anyone saying to her, even going so far as to ask him “Why do you say that when you made me feel otherwise?”
His statement is probably what sets her over the edge, though, because then and there she decides that she was going to accept a scholarship to a university in Tokyo (one that she'd been given earlier in the year, but had been unsure about) and was going to leave before the final trimester at Yamaku. Hisao is, once again, upset with her decision that she'd choose to leave him so easily – but she explains that she's going to go her own path, even if it should change her. She gives him a small hug and tells him that he should just forget about her, and then the two go their separate ways, never seeing each other again.
Personality:
“She has a strong personality, but if pressed to elaborate, I'm not sure I could describe it accurately. She feels like a person who is in constant conflict with herself. I never know what to expect when I talk to her.” - Hisao Nakai
Rin is a character whose personality can be a bit hard to describe. On the surface, she seems distant and dreamlike. Her eyes are often glazed over, and her mind is often a million miles away, as she thinks about any number of ideas and concepts instead of dealing with the world directly in front of her.
She is capable of realizing when a situation is serious, and focusing her mind on things that matter. It's just that she usually... doesn't do that. Unless something is going on that she feels absolutely requires her full attention (or just stresses her out a lot), she's probably got one or two other things going on in the background of her mind as well.
It would be dishonest and unfair to claim that Rin thinks on some sort of 'higher level' than what other people think on, but there's something about the way she thinks that... doesn't always connect to her mouth the right way. She has a lot of thoughts and opinions that she would like to share with the world - some of which are, admittedly, fairly silly, while some are serious and even insightful – but she has a very real struggle communicating those thoughts into words. As a result, Rin often feels as though she has to rely on abstract metaphors or seemingly irrelevant anecdotes to get her point across (and is often frustrated when they fail to do so).
That all being said, when something (a fact or sometimes even a question) seems obvious to Rin, she rarely hesitates to voice it. This is partly because the ability to say what she means is something she jumps at the chance to do, but also largely because she doesn't care much for politely avoiding a subject, and prefers to indulge her curiosity or impatience. For example, upon meeting Hisao, she almost immediately asks what his disability is – which is often considered exceedingly rude by the rest of Yamaku's student population. Because of this, Rin is often deemed oblivious at best, and unpleasant at worst by the other students at school. Despite her proclaimed hobby of “collecting people,” Rin doesn't seem to have many friends at the school.
While on the surface, Rin can seem goofy and whimsical, telling irrelevant stories and barely paying attention, deeper down she's a lot more serious. There's her frustration with herself and with the people around her when she struggles to say what she means, of course. She also has a lot of self-doubt – second-guessing a lot of things she says and thinks and legitimately doubting whether her work is actually worth the attention she's getting (and there's a very real worry that she's garnering attention because of her disability, rather than her level of skill). She wonders if she can actually handle the responsibilities that the people in her life (Nomiya, her art teacher, especially) seem intent on giving her.
Whether she can handle those responsibilities or not, Rin knows that she doesn't want them. Change is, in Rin's own words, “the scariest thing in the world” to her. With all the flaws and faults in her current life in Yamaku, she likes the way things are. And even more than that, she has no idea what she's going to do in the future, or how she's going to support herself, or where her life is going. Which is tragic because she's reached a point where she can't continue being exactly the same as she's always been: She's going to have to move on, and figure these things out and she doesn't know what to do or if she can handle any of it.
For that reason (and many others as well), painting is a god-send to her. Although not everyone is able to take a look at one of her paintings and understand what she meant by it, it seems to satisfy something within her: She can look at a painting and remember how she felt when she painted it. Her thoughts and emotions, from her perspective, convert into color and shape very easily. She sometimes seems to view it as a way of preserving her “present-self,” as if with every painting she's memorializing who she is now so that she can remember it later. A sort of means of solidifying how she feels as she travels into an unknown future.
To Rin, art has become so much more than an interest or a hobby. It's become a means of communication, it's become a coping method that helps her deal with the inevitability that her life is changing and the uncertainty of how it is changing. Because of that, it's not really that surprising that it's become something that her life has begun to revolve around.
Wish:
“I just want to run away, to some place where I don't have to worry about feeling like this.”
This wish was made in the immediate wake of her "break-up" with Hisao (whether the two of them were actually dating is anyone's guess, but there was a pretty substantial emotional attachment that she'd just broken off) as well as her decision to leave for Tokyo - which she's certain Nomiya will have a few things to say about.
Needless to say, she feels pretty bad about how everything went. The reactions at the gallery made her feel devalued as an artist. Hisao's words, well meaning as they might have been, made her feel hurt and alone - and yet somehow she still feels terrible for hurting him. And Nomiya... she knows he's been doing his best to help her with her career, and she's greatful for it. But she's also pretty certain that he's going to do something else to 'help guide her' with this Tokyo decision and she's honestly not sure how much more of his help and guidance she can handle. (
And in addition to all of that, she's still not sure about the choice to leave early for Tokyo. Change is still a terrifying thing to Rin, she's just been in a series of positions where she feels like she's got no choice but to change - and in a lot of ways that perception is correct.
In canon, during her breakdown, Rin says the following: "Why? Why does all this happen? People are doing things I don't ask for and don't want and everyone keeps getting angry at me, I have no idea what is going on anymore and can't stop feeling like I want to run away from everything..."
That quote is a pretty good indicator of how she still feels, days later. She wants to run away, to find some quiet little corner where she doesn't have to deal with all of these things, and she doesn't have to change who she is in that way. (Her scholarship to Tokyo is itself a means of running away, but it's not that, and Rin's got no illusions that it will be).
The wish was granted – in that it took her to Nyoi-cho, away from Hisao, Nomiya and all the pressures and fears she has about her future. Unfortunately for Rin, she isn't exactly headed to a stress-free place.
Passive ability:
Painless: One way to ensure that Rin doesn't worry about feeling certain things is to make sure that she doesn't feel much at all. When in her Magi form, Rin feels significantly less physical pain than she usually would (although she isn't completely numb. More powerful blows will still get a reaction out of her.
This comes with the obvious downside of the fact that she can still take damage – she's just less aware of it.
Active ability:
Flicker: The spirit of Rin's wish is to have the ability to run away from her problems, and her active ability reflects that. Rin's "flicker" ability is basically short-ranged teleportation, allowing her to travel up to 6 feet in any direction (which is to say: enough to dodge an attack, but not enough to flee from a battle).
These teleportations can be used in quick succession of one another, but if she doesn't wait at least 5 seconds between each "flicker" it starts to put a serious strain on her soul gem, with each successive teleport making her gem exponentially darker.
Weapon:
Spiked Kneepads: As stated previously in the application, Rin doesn't have hands or arms, and as such usually uses her feet to handle things in addition to using them to walk. Spiked kneepads are a weapon she can use that accommodate both of these factors.
Sample:
Link.
(The last time I played Rin was in Ryslig, so she's a goblin in this link. I'll be apping her straight from canon, though.)
Contact info:
Other characters currently played: Sieglinde of Catarina
Character name: Rin Tezuka
Age: 18
Canon: Katawa Shoujo
Canonpoint: Her own route, post-neutral ending.
Background:
Rin is a girl born with two seriously malformed arms as the result of genetic phocomelia, which required both of her arms to be amputated just below the shoulder in infancy. (The game's concept art described her as a 'thalidomide baby' but because the game doesn't take place in a time period where thalidomide could have/would have been prescribed to a pregnant woman, it seems much more plausible that she had a genetic version of phocomelia, which was the condition that thalidomide was known to cause).
Rin was something of an odd child growing up, but fortunately her parents seem to have been supportive of her and her endeavors. As soon as she was able to pick up a pen (with her feet, obviously), she started drawing and never really stopped. She took to art like a fish to water, and although she often had difficulties translating her thoughts into words, art made it easier to communicate how she felt into a medium that other people could easily experience.
As she grew older, she had a fairly average school life, with her interests leaning heavily toward the arts. While one might thinkthat her lack of arms would be a debilitating disability, it was the only way that Rin had ever known how to live. And while there were certain things that she struggled with (buttoning up shirts, and peeling oranges, for example), it was something she was used to and there wasn't a lot she really struggledwith.
When it came time for her to go to high school, Rin was offered the chance to go to a public high school, or to stay in a school for students with disabilities. Rin was confident enough in her ability to function (both as a student and as an artist) that she had little doubts that she could do well in a public high school. Still, she opted to stay in a school for students with disabilities instead. One of her many eccentricities was “collecting people,” it seems, and Rin was interested in meeting the unique sorts of students that went to Yamaku High.
When she joined, she was placed in a room with one Emi Ibarazaki – an extroverted girl whose lower legs had been amputated in a car accident, and an aspiring track star. The two of them, although very different in personality, became fast friends. Their passions took them in different directions, but they both shared the same deep, inspired passion within themselves. For Rin, it was to express herself in better ways, and to become a better artist. For Emi, it was to run, as fast as her body could take her.
Their drive for personal improvement in their chosen mediums is something that kept them close together throughout high school. And while they weren't the type of friends that could be described as inseparable, there was little doubt that they were close.
By their senior year, Emi had become one of the stars of the school's track team, and Rin was known as an artistic prodigy by the school's art teachers. It was the second half of that year that the two of them met Hisao Nakai – a boy with a serious heart condition that had lost his direction in life. He took to the two of them fairly well (particularly taking an interest in Rin), and the three high-school students became friends relatively easily.
At the same time, though, Rin's artistic career began to take off in a way that she wasn't strictly comfortable with. It started with a mural she had been asked to paint, which she struggled to complete on time (both physically and in her time management skills). This mural was used as an example of her artwork, by her teacher, in order to entice art critics and gallery owners to take a closer look at her and her artwork. One gallery owner, a woman by the name of Sae Saionji, expressed interest and her art teacher passed the offer onto Rin herself.
This wasn't exactly the sort of thing that Rin was particularly interested in. For her, art had always been about expressing her thoughts and feelings in a way that people could understand. And while she almost certainly didn't have a solid plan for her future, the idea of having to put a gallery together to impress strangers – that she would have to sell her art in order to make a living, and how much of her future would be riding on the success of this gallery – absolutely terrifies her, and Rin expresses disinterest – despite the potential benefits of such a gallery. Nomiya thinks this is the wrong call, though, and continues to pressure her towards setting up an exhibition.
At the same time, Hisao Nakai continues spending time with Rin – watching her work on her mural project apparently sparked an interest in art in the boy, and he ends up joining the art club alongside her. The two get along well, and work on several art projects together – until one day Nomiya once again attempts to pressure Rin into changing her mind about the gallery; this time in front of Hisao. Hisao agrees with their teacher, that it's an opportunity she shouldn't pass up. Rin isn't able to articulate why she doesn't want to do this, and the two wear her down into conceding
That's about when the downward spiral starts.
When the three of them approach the gallery owner about the exhibit, Sae (being an art critic, in addition to running a gallery) is very critical of Rin's art – admitting that Rin has quite a bit of talent, but saying that her technique needs refinement and that her paintings seem to be missing something (suggesting that a common theme between them, or some sense of identity would help). Rin is hesitant (not entirely sure how to give her paintings these things) but agrees to work on them in exchange for the exhibition.
And working is exactly what she does from then onward, throwing herself into her painting body and soul. Nomiya arranges with the school to have Rin be exempt from most of her classes and finals for the rest of the school year – and she begins to spend nights in a small loft in the floor above the gallery, where she can work without interruption. And so, Rin becomes something of a recluse – even going so far as to ask her best friend Emi to stay away, so as not to distract her.
Hisao doesn't get asked to stay away, however, because Rin sees him as something of a more artistic soul, and more conductive to her work. Additionally, she's begun to feel romantic feelings toward the moody boy, and doesn't want to push him away. The feelings are mutual for him (although he's also very confused by Rin's mannerism), and Hisao continues visiting her.
Before long, Hisao confesses his feelings for Rin – which makes her feel very conflicted. It isn't that she doesn't also like him, but she's also very confused about her own feelings and overwhelmed by the responsibility that her gallery has put upon her (as part of her agreement with Sae was to create a ton of new works specifically for the gallery's opening). She tells him that she really can't afford to focus on these sorts of things right now, and Hisao is heartbroken (not understanding the stress she was under, or how large a role he had in putting her in this position). He leaves her in her loft – but she asks him to come back again the next day.
He does, and the two of them enter a cycle. Hisao visits almost every day – often with very few words spoken between them. As the weeks continue, Rin's downward spiral becomes more obvious, to the point that Hisao (oblivious as he can be) takes notice of how she hasn't been eating well and begins bringing her fresh oranges.
Fruit isn't enough to break her out of this cycle though. As time goes on and Rin begins to struggle more and more with her artwork and inspiration (all the while the deadline for the gallery looms closer and the weight of her entire future bears down on her back), Rin comes to the conclusion that she needs to change in order to survive. More than that, she feels that who she is isn't enough to do what needs to be done, and she needs to rebuild herself from the ground up.
Basically what that amounts to is more self-destructive behavior. She takes up smoking (with cigarettes bought for her by Sae) and generally becomes more depressed and introverted. Hisao sees that smoking (and whatever else she might be doing to herself) aren't helping her art - and tries to snap her out of this depression by taking her out on a walk around the city for hours, exploring twists and turns that they'd never been before until the sun came up.
This does get Rin's spirits up a bit, but it also it helps her come to another conclusion: Hisao's presence isn't helping with her art. And so she apologizes and asks him to leave her alone, without explaining why.
She bids the boy goodbye and goes back to her artwork – and for the next several days she makes good progress – to the point that Nomiya claims that she's been doing “exceptionally well.”
In truth, though, her self-destructive behavior has only gotten worse. When Hisao goes to check up on her again after almost a week, she's a mess – both physically and mentally. She's frustrated, ashamed and afraid of how much difficulty she's been having in this pursuit – and without going into too many details, the two of them end up having sex.
The morning doesn't go over well. Hisao isn't sure what Rin wants – and Rin isn't sure either. He feels as though they've put a strain on their friendship, especially because he knows that Rin knows how he feels about her. Rin doesn't want a relationship or labels or any of the things that Hisao wants – at least not yet, not while she's got so many other things to worry about. The two of them argue over this, and about art. Hisao is frustrated and upset, thinking that she cares more about her art than she does about him, and he isn't necessarily wrong (although he is ignoring that he's the one who pressured her into this situation to begin with) – it's enormous part of how she defines herself and how she interacts with the world. In her eyes, art is something vital and she can't give it up. In the end he leaves again, frustrated with Rin and his apparent inability to understand her.
Rin continues on her artwork, upset by this. In a lot of ways he's become her strongest human connection, and she's upset that she's hurt him.
The next time the two of them see each other is on the day before the start of the exhibit, she bumps into him on her way back to her old dorm room. The conversation they have... tries to start civilly, but quickly devolves into an argument where Hisao claims she hasn't been treating him fairly, or his feelings as valid. He demands to know how she feels about him, and Rin isn't able to put it into words, which only serves to frustrate him further.
He yells at her about how unhealthy she's being, and that she's too willing to continue down this path even if it kills her (and he isn't wrong). He tells her that she's been treating him like a muse, a source of inspiration to her, instead of an actual human being with feelings that matter (misunderstanding why she wanted him around – not because he was helping her art, but because she needed someone to be her lifeline in a tough time in her life. Which is still extremely unhealthy and selfish, of course, but not in the way that he interpreted it). This time she's the one who leaves, upset.
The next night, the gallery opens and... by Rin's standard it goes nightmarishly bad.
It starts off as more of a social event than anything else. Not terribly – no one seems to outright hate Rin's works, as many young artists might fear, but no one seems overly interested either. Most seem more interested in the complementary wine and in talking with other members of the local art community than they are Rin's artwork.
Emi is there to congratulate Rin, and Hisao makes an appearance as well (apparently feeling badly enough about their argument to show up and apologize). Rin greets Emi, glad to see her best friend after such a long time apart, but makes an effort not to speak to Hisao at all.
Basically, the event wasn't perfect, but it was excellent exposure for a young woman hoping to make a name for herself in the art community. Until Sae, the gallery owner, introduced Rin to the crowd as the artist who made all of these works.
Suddenly everyone was fascinated by the artwork and have an unending number of questions to ask about where her inspiration comes from and what techniques she used, and the most common of all: How her disability effects her work. It couldn't be more clear to Rin that these people didn't necessarily care about the thoughts and feelings she had poured onto the canvases until they realized that the girl with no arms was the one who put them there (a fact which Nomiya and Sae are more than happy to play up for attention).
It makes her feel like an spectacle. It makes her feel worthless, like all of the things she had been through to put this exhibit together were for nothing. Because her disability is apparently more of an attraction than the works of art that she had put her entire identity into.
And even if that all wasn't the case... she isn't ready for this. The gallery, the attention, the questions and the self-doubt. Rin drops to her knees as she starts to have (what seems to be) a panic attack, before Hisao helps her up and escorts her outside (meanwhile Sae makes excuses for the crowd and Nomiya shrugs it off as a bit of dizziness).
Once outside, Hisao tells Rin that she should feel happy about how things have gone. That people are interested in her and her artwork, and that that's what this gallery was all about. After giving her some time to breath, the two of them head back inside, where Rin is taken to meet more of the gallery's guests, and she quickly loses track of Hisao.
The next (and final) time she meets Hisao is a few days later, shortly after the school's final exams are over. Hisao comes by the gallery to talk to Rin one more time, and she tries (and fails) to avoid him.
When he asks why, she explains that “it hurts” to talk to him. He doesn't really know how to respond to that, and the two of them walk around the city in silence for a while, until Hisao eventually tries to break it by asking her how she felt the exhibition went. Rin explains that, more than anything, she had hoped someone would see her artwork and be able to say “I understand how you feel.”
Hisao tries to brush that off by explaining that the human experience is completely unique, and that one interprets art with their own experiences as well as with the artist's intent. In that way, no one will ever be able to understand her entirely, because in the end that's what makes everyone alone.
Which (in addition to being melodramatic and unhelpful) was the most hurtful thing Rin could imagine anyone saying to her, even going so far as to ask him “Why do you say that when you made me feel otherwise?”
His statement is probably what sets her over the edge, though, because then and there she decides that she was going to accept a scholarship to a university in Tokyo (one that she'd been given earlier in the year, but had been unsure about) and was going to leave before the final trimester at Yamaku. Hisao is, once again, upset with her decision that she'd choose to leave him so easily – but she explains that she's going to go her own path, even if it should change her. She gives him a small hug and tells him that he should just forget about her, and then the two go their separate ways, never seeing each other again.
Personality:
“She has a strong personality, but if pressed to elaborate, I'm not sure I could describe it accurately. She feels like a person who is in constant conflict with herself. I never know what to expect when I talk to her.” - Hisao Nakai
Rin is a character whose personality can be a bit hard to describe. On the surface, she seems distant and dreamlike. Her eyes are often glazed over, and her mind is often a million miles away, as she thinks about any number of ideas and concepts instead of dealing with the world directly in front of her.
She is capable of realizing when a situation is serious, and focusing her mind on things that matter. It's just that she usually... doesn't do that. Unless something is going on that she feels absolutely requires her full attention (or just stresses her out a lot), she's probably got one or two other things going on in the background of her mind as well.
It would be dishonest and unfair to claim that Rin thinks on some sort of 'higher level' than what other people think on, but there's something about the way she thinks that... doesn't always connect to her mouth the right way. She has a lot of thoughts and opinions that she would like to share with the world - some of which are, admittedly, fairly silly, while some are serious and even insightful – but she has a very real struggle communicating those thoughts into words. As a result, Rin often feels as though she has to rely on abstract metaphors or seemingly irrelevant anecdotes to get her point across (and is often frustrated when they fail to do so).
That all being said, when something (a fact or sometimes even a question) seems obvious to Rin, she rarely hesitates to voice it. This is partly because the ability to say what she means is something she jumps at the chance to do, but also largely because she doesn't care much for politely avoiding a subject, and prefers to indulge her curiosity or impatience. For example, upon meeting Hisao, she almost immediately asks what his disability is – which is often considered exceedingly rude by the rest of Yamaku's student population. Because of this, Rin is often deemed oblivious at best, and unpleasant at worst by the other students at school. Despite her proclaimed hobby of “collecting people,” Rin doesn't seem to have many friends at the school.
While on the surface, Rin can seem goofy and whimsical, telling irrelevant stories and barely paying attention, deeper down she's a lot more serious. There's her frustration with herself and with the people around her when she struggles to say what she means, of course. She also has a lot of self-doubt – second-guessing a lot of things she says and thinks and legitimately doubting whether her work is actually worth the attention she's getting (and there's a very real worry that she's garnering attention because of her disability, rather than her level of skill). She wonders if she can actually handle the responsibilities that the people in her life (Nomiya, her art teacher, especially) seem intent on giving her.
Whether she can handle those responsibilities or not, Rin knows that she doesn't want them. Change is, in Rin's own words, “the scariest thing in the world” to her. With all the flaws and faults in her current life in Yamaku, she likes the way things are. And even more than that, she has no idea what she's going to do in the future, or how she's going to support herself, or where her life is going. Which is tragic because she's reached a point where she can't continue being exactly the same as she's always been: She's going to have to move on, and figure these things out and she doesn't know what to do or if she can handle any of it.
For that reason (and many others as well), painting is a god-send to her. Although not everyone is able to take a look at one of her paintings and understand what she meant by it, it seems to satisfy something within her: She can look at a painting and remember how she felt when she painted it. Her thoughts and emotions, from her perspective, convert into color and shape very easily. She sometimes seems to view it as a way of preserving her “present-self,” as if with every painting she's memorializing who she is now so that she can remember it later. A sort of means of solidifying how she feels as she travels into an unknown future.
To Rin, art has become so much more than an interest or a hobby. It's become a means of communication, it's become a coping method that helps her deal with the inevitability that her life is changing and the uncertainty of how it is changing. Because of that, it's not really that surprising that it's become something that her life has begun to revolve around.
Wish:
“I just want to run away, to some place where I don't have to worry about feeling like this.”
This wish was made in the immediate wake of her "break-up" with Hisao (whether the two of them were actually dating is anyone's guess, but there was a pretty substantial emotional attachment that she'd just broken off) as well as her decision to leave for Tokyo - which she's certain Nomiya will have a few things to say about.
Needless to say, she feels pretty bad about how everything went. The reactions at the gallery made her feel devalued as an artist. Hisao's words, well meaning as they might have been, made her feel hurt and alone - and yet somehow she still feels terrible for hurting him. And Nomiya... she knows he's been doing his best to help her with her career, and she's greatful for it. But she's also pretty certain that he's going to do something else to 'help guide her' with this Tokyo decision and she's honestly not sure how much more of his help and guidance she can handle. (
And in addition to all of that, she's still not sure about the choice to leave early for Tokyo. Change is still a terrifying thing to Rin, she's just been in a series of positions where she feels like she's got no choice but to change - and in a lot of ways that perception is correct.
In canon, during her breakdown, Rin says the following: "Why? Why does all this happen? People are doing things I don't ask for and don't want and everyone keeps getting angry at me, I have no idea what is going on anymore and can't stop feeling like I want to run away from everything..."
That quote is a pretty good indicator of how she still feels, days later. She wants to run away, to find some quiet little corner where she doesn't have to deal with all of these things, and she doesn't have to change who she is in that way. (Her scholarship to Tokyo is itself a means of running away, but it's not that, and Rin's got no illusions that it will be).
The wish was granted – in that it took her to Nyoi-cho, away from Hisao, Nomiya and all the pressures and fears she has about her future. Unfortunately for Rin, she isn't exactly headed to a stress-free place.
Passive ability:
Painless: One way to ensure that Rin doesn't worry about feeling certain things is to make sure that she doesn't feel much at all. When in her Magi form, Rin feels significantly less physical pain than she usually would (although she isn't completely numb. More powerful blows will still get a reaction out of her.
This comes with the obvious downside of the fact that she can still take damage – she's just less aware of it.
Active ability:
Flicker: The spirit of Rin's wish is to have the ability to run away from her problems, and her active ability reflects that. Rin's "flicker" ability is basically short-ranged teleportation, allowing her to travel up to 6 feet in any direction (which is to say: enough to dodge an attack, but not enough to flee from a battle).
These teleportations can be used in quick succession of one another, but if she doesn't wait at least 5 seconds between each "flicker" it starts to put a serious strain on her soul gem, with each successive teleport making her gem exponentially darker.
Weapon:
Spiked Kneepads: As stated previously in the application, Rin doesn't have hands or arms, and as such usually uses her feet to handle things in addition to using them to walk. Spiked kneepads are a weapon she can use that accommodate both of these factors.
Sample:
Link.
(The last time I played Rin was in Ryslig, so she's a goblin in this link. I'll be apping her straight from canon, though.)